What's important

You know what's important to me?  Well, I'll tell you.  I got a letter and a pin the other day from the Red Cross that I had met my "Champion for Life" goal of 6 donations last year.  Which I found out is the most you are allowed to do in one year.  It's also not that easy, since if you do single donations that only leaves about a day or so between eligible donations.  ( i.e. you have to wait 56 days.  But if you wait like 60 you probably won't be able to fit 6 in one year).  It's a little easier now with the double red donations where you do two at one time, though I didn't get my first one in this year until a week or so ago cause I wasn't feeling very well for quite a while after coming back from Florida.
ANYWAY...  They were saying that I was LESS THAN 1% of the DONORS...  Last I heard it's only like 6%(or some other ridiculously low number) of the population that gives blood.  So I guess I'm REALLY doing good.  Ahh well.  Anyway.  That feels important to me.  Like I'm actually doing something worthwhile. 

What else is important to me?  Family.  I can't always tell whether I'm doing a decent job, but I try to be nice to my family and make them feel good.  So, if I make you feel bad, it's probably not what I meant to do and I apologize.  Let me know AND tell me what I should have done.  Hopefully that would make things better.
I suppose that much is true with anything in life.  And don't think I won't be hurt by you telling me that (I will, because I care), but I suppose that's what I want (to improve, NOT to be hurt).

If I think about the biggest questions...
What do I want?
To feel good.
What makes me feel good?
Knowing that I helped someone, especially if it's at all emotional.

What do I NOT want?
To feel bad.
What makes me feel bad?
Knowing that I hurt or hindered someone.

I would say these are the truest parts of my soul.  Nothing feels better than hearing "Thanks Levi, talking to you made me feel better."   And nothing feels worse than "you suck, why would you do that to me?"  (I didn't mean to!  What did I do?  What should I have done?)


Dunno, just thought I would write this stuff out as it's easier for me to type than say most times.  Hopefully it will help me realize who I really am and what I'm supposed to be doing.  I don't necessarily mind working on computers and I seem to be pretty good at it, but I wonder if I should be something like a counselor or something.  But then I don't know how good I would be at it, and I don't know if I could handle the negative aspects of it.

Dunno.  Still trying to find my best friend.  Seems to be so hard to find someone trustworthy and enjoyable to be around.  Not sure what happened.  I can recall several good friends in my past, but it seems that everything reached it's climax around 2000 and then everything just crashed.  Now it seems like I'm left with a few "good" friends that I never talk to and/or are never around, and not much of anything else.  and yeah I'm still bothered by the fact that my best friend hated/s me.  That's the worst part is that I just don't know what happened at the time, or now...  I've mostly moved it to the back of my mind, but it is still in there and it remains the one thing I would use a single wish for if I were given one.  It's that "one big regret" I have.  Oh well, that seems to be the way humanity works.  (:

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not depressed or really upset at all.  Just been thinking about writing some stuff out for a while now and figured I might as well take this second right now to do it!

Hope you are all having a great day!
Levi (: